PS You're Not Alone
by keepcalmandwrite
Summary: Clint dies but writes Natasha ten letters to help her get over his death. Includes all avengers and Pepper. Although Clint dies he is still in the story through flashbacks. Probably sad, not just Natasha it's about the team too. Natasha/Clint Pepper/Tony DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Helloooo I am back already but with a brand new Clintasha story. IMPORTANT: Don't worry if you love Clint because he will be in this story but in flashback form so please enjoy it. Review and I will carry on, let me know what you think and if you have any plot predictions or ideas tell me and I'll see if I can get them in! I know it's a long quote but read it, it fits the story! Please review! **

**I think of you often**

**and make no outward show,**

**But what it means to lose you, **

**no one will ever know**

**You wished no one farewell, **

**not even said good-bye,**

**You were gone before I knew it,**

**and only God knows why.**

**You are not forgotten**

**nor will you ever be,**

**As long as life and memories last, **

**I will remember thee.**

**To some you may be forgotten, **

**to others a part of the past,**

**But to me who loved you dearly, **

**your memories will always last.**

**Nothing can be more beautiful**

**than the memories I have of you.**

**To me, you were someone special,**

**God must have thought so too!**

**If tears could build a staircase **

**and memories a lane,**

**I would walk all the way to Heaven,**

**and bring you back again. **

**-Anon. **

_Natasha sat on the kitchen counter her legs swinging slightly as she watched Clint move around the living room saying goodbye to the team. The guys all gave him "man handshakes" and he hugged Pepper lightly, he was saving the big goodbye for Natasha, he turned to face her. His eyes scanned over her taking in her small frame, red hair, and beautiful green eyes, Natasha frowned at him when she noticed what he was doing. _

"_Don't Clint, you don't need to do that, you will come back from the mission ok and alive" she scolded softly as he grabbed her hands and stepped closer to her. _

"_Just in case Nat, I want to remember you like this, you know in case I end up dy-"he didn't get to finish his sentence before she pushed her lips to his. The others watched them quietly; mesmerized by the affection they had for each other. _

"_Please don't, please" she mumbled into his mouth, he nodded firmly and nibbled her bottom lip gently. The others watched as Clint and Natasha said their goodbyes, it was clear Clint was worried about his mission he had made Steve, Tony, Thor and Bruce to promise to look after Natasha, just in case he didn't come back, he had never said that to them before so understandably they were worried. _

_Clint headed towards the elevator waving goodbye and giving one long last look to Natasha who had moved to stand next to Thor, he winked cheekily and she shook her head smiling. _

_Three days later _

_Natasha lay on the couch, her feet resting on Tony's thighs as him and Bruce tried to explain their recent experiment, but they both kept laughing at her when she struggled to keep up, causing her to laugh until none could breathe properly. Jarvis interrupted before they could continue their lessons, _

"_Miss Romanoff there is someone here to see you" Tony and Bruce started smiling again, _

"_Is it Clint?" Tony asked his voice bubbling with excitement; he would finally get his partner in crime back. Before Natasha could answer Jarvis interrupted again,_

"_It is not Mr Barton but he is on his way up the elevator I believe he is an agent from Shield" _

"_Thank you Jarvis" Natasha replied as Tony pulled her up from the couch, she moved towards the elevator but froze when the doors opened. A formally dressed shield agent stepped out in front of her, _

"_Agent Romanoff I am Agent Rigley" he started, he was wringing his hands and trying to keep eye contact with her but failing miserably. "I am sorry to inform you but Agent Clinton Barton was killed on his mission last night in Cuba" Natasha shook her head slowly muttering, _

"_No, no, no, no" before he could reply Steve stepped out of nowhere next to Natasha. _

"_What's going on?" he asked firmly glaring at the man, as he was about to answer Natasha whispered, _

"_Clint's dead, Steve. Oh god he's dead" she put her head in her hands and sunk down onto the floor sliding against the wall. Tony and Bruce decided to walk in then both stopped dead in their tracks when they noticed Steve's shocked expression and Natasha's shaking form on the floor. Bruce knelt down next to her and wrapped his arm around her, _

"_Have we missed something?" he asked sharply, Tony turned to face Steve who just stared at the floor and mumbled, _

"_Clint's gone" he didn't need to say anymore they both already understood. The agent carried on talking, _

"_He was found with bullets in his leg, stomach and chest, he died choking but the injuries would have killed him eventually. He was holding his phone umm I have it here for you we haven't changed anything on it, again I really am sorry" he passed it down to Natasha who took it her hand shaking softly. "We would appreciate it if you could come into Shield headquarters to discuss details when you're ready." The agent left and Tony, Bruce and Steve slid down to sit next to Natasha, she typed in Clint's code (her birthday) the phone opened and she gasped when she saw her picture flash onto the screen. _

_Steve grabbed her hand, Bruce kept his arm around her shoulder and Tony stood up to go and find Thor and let him know what was happening. _

_Clint was dead; he was never coming home to Natasha again. _

_Her hawk was dead. _

_Last Night In Cuba _

_Clint lay in a puddle of his own blood; the red soaked his finger tips and dripped from his mouth. His bow and arrows lay next to him but they were just out of reach. He could however pull his phone out of his pocket, he knew he didn't have the energy to call Natasha but he went to his pictures and found the one where she was asleep in his favourite t-shirt and he was stroking her head. _

_He needed to keep breathing for her, she needed him. But then again he had known something like this would happen and had prepared for it. So that's why he pressed the picture to his lips and managed to sigh, _

"_I love you Nat, you're not alone" his head dropped back as he violently started coughing, blood poured out of his mouth, it fell from his teeth and lips and ran down his neck. He managed to cry out, _

"_Natasha" before his eyes shut and his breathing stopped, his hand still gripping the phone with Natasha's picture bright in the dark room. _

_Clint was dead and the phone went black. _

Tony Stark was pacing the length of avenger's living room, Thor was staring out the window on the city below, Pepper and Bruce sat opposite each other drinking cups of tea, while Steve was tapping his foot nervously. They had all met up to discuss Natasha and Clint's situation, Natasha hadn't left her room since the news three days ago and they were all very concerned, they did know Natasha needed time to grieve, but they also knew being by herself wouldn't help.

"We could just break her door down" Tony offered, although he wasn't showing his emotions like the others he was very worried about his Natashalie. Pepper shook her head, while Steve answered.

"No she needs to accept our help not have it forced upon her" everyone nodded in agreement. No-one could think of a way to help her, but they weren't going to give up. Eventually Steve headed down to the gym; Tony back to the labs, Thor went out for an afternoon, Pepper headed to her office, until just Bruce remained in the living room sipping tea. Everyone was still silently coming up with ideas in their heads.

Back in her room Natasha decided that she needed some comfort from Clint, obviously he wasn't here anymore, and she was once again bitterly reminded that she was alone. She knew where to go though, she opened the grate to the air vent above her bedroom and slipped inside, in there was a mix of blankets and pillows, even a t-shirt or two with a couple of books. It was Clint's nest she curled up in a ball and snuggled inside, feeling slightly safer than before. Just as she shut her eyes, her hand brushed over something cold and hard, her eyes shot open and she struggled to sit up, it was a small grey box.

Natasha knew it was meant for her because there was a small decorative spider in the corner. With trembling hands she tugged the lid open and inside was a letter, as she read it her heart thumped harder.

Dear Natasha,

I knew a day would come when I would leave you, well metaphorically, because Nat, I may not be standing by your side but I'm still with you, I'll never leave you. I decided to write ten letters for you to help you carry on, you will need it Nat, and I know because if our places were swapped I would need it. Don't try and guess when they will come because they will, I have it all planned. Do everything I tell you Nat, you trust me, so do it. This is the first letter and I know for a fact you will be shut up in our room, but please leave. Even if it's at three in the morning for ten minutes, do it for me Tasha. Start small if you have to, but keep it going, I know you can do it.

I love you always, Clint.

P.S You're not alone.

Natasha stared at the page for a couple of minutes, she was so confused. Clint always did cute little things like write her notes when she was having a bad day, and this was an exceptionally bad day so maybe she should have expected something like this eventually. Of course she was happy that she had letters from Clint to help her keep going, but how would he help? Clint had always known what was best for her, so she knew she had to do everything he said, and that meant leaving their room. She re-read the last line, P.S You're not alone. How did he know exactly what I'd be thinking, Natasha wondered in shock.

"Jarvis" Natasha's voice was shaky because she hadn't used it in so long, the sound seemed to echo around the air vent "Where is everybody?" if she was going to leave the room she didn't want to see anybody yet. Jarvis replied quickly, but his voice was low and gentle, Tony must have re-programmed him for her sake, she thought sadly.

"Mr Rogers is currently in the gym, Mr Stark is in his lab, Mr Odinson is outside the tower, Miss Potts is in her office and Dr Banner is in the living area, is there anything I can do for you Agent Romanoff?"

"No thank you Jarvis" Natasha contemplated the thought of leaving; only Bruce was in the living room, he would be quiet and understanding, wouldn't he? She glanced back down at Clint's letter, she read it through again, do it for me Tasha, that's when she knew she had to, for Clint, because he would for her. If he was writing her these letters, helping her, then she had to help herself. She climbed out the vent and put a hand on the door handle. Just Bruce she thought, do it for Clint, do it for Clint.

As soon as Natasha opened the door and stepped into the hall, she felt a tiny bit better, as she started down the hall she kept an ear out in case she ran into someone, she definitely didn't want that. She realised she still had Clint's letter in her hand, and was holding it so tightly it nearly ripped. She folded it carefully and placed it into the pocket of her hoodie and continued her way to the living room.

Bruce saw Natasha before he heard her, she was after all a spy and spies were meant to be quiet, when he did notice her he was careful not to act rashly,

"Hey Natasha, I haven't seen you in a while" he said as casually as he could.

"Hi Bruce I know I'm sorry I just-" she couldn't explain her feelings not yet. So she just sunk into the chair next to Bruce, he gently handed her his cup of tea and she nodded at him. She had dark eyes and her movements were slow, unlike the healthy Natasha.

"Nat have you slept?" Bruce asked kindly, she shook her head but leant against his shoulder as he gently stroked her hair.

"You can come and speak to us, any of us, at any time, Nat" Bruce continued rubbing Natasha's hand soothingly, god he's good at this Natasha thought as she felt herself slipping into blackness.

"I no, I'm sorry I haven't talked to any of you, I just-"her voice broke and tears fell down her face.

"Shh, shh, it's ok, I'm here" Bruce sighed quietly in her ear.

"I miss him so much" Natasha whimpered her body shaking slightly.

"I know you do; we're all here for you ok? Believe it or not but Tony has been so worried about you, obviously Pepper has to but she's like the mother of the group anyway, Thor has taken to staying up at night to make sure you're safe. But honestly Steve's reacted the worst he thinks of you like his little sister Natasha, and this is painful for him, and of course I've been wanting to break your door down but I reckon you'd shoot me between the eyes before I could even speak" Bruce answered smiling softly.

"I'm sorry I've done this to you all" she didn't carry on and Bruce just kissed her lightly on the forehead before she fell into a deep sleep. About an hour later they heard Tony and Steve arguing as they headed towards them, they were being loud, very loud, at that same moment they heard the elevator rising towards their floor. Quickly and smoothly Natasha jumped up and headed back to her room, smiling apologetically over her shoulder as she went, but Bruce just smiled back at her and she said,

"Thank you and I'll see you soon" he nodded calmly but couldn't keep the grin off his face as she slinked off back down the hallway.

"What happened?" Tony asked suspiciously when he saw Bruce's smile, everyone stopped what they were doing to listen as Bruce explained what had happened and how Natasha didn't want to see everyone at once, they all understood why.

"Well it's definitely a start right?" Pepper asked slightly disappointed she had missed seeing her friend.

"Yes, she's obviously very hurt about Clint, I knew they were close but I didn't realise they were that close" Steve said softly looking at his feet.

"Mr Rogers I believe I have some information that will help you understand Agent Romanoff's situation" Everyone looked up at the ceiling out of habit.

"Please tell us Jarvis" Steve said his voice slightly commanding in desperation to help his friend.

"Agents Barton and Romanoff were married for five years" they all froze; Pepper blinked back tears, Tony and Bruce's jaws dropped open, and Thor and Steve's heads dropped down.

"How did they get permission off Fury?" Tony asked his voice shaking; he understood why Natasha was taking it so hard now.

"They didn't, Agent Coulson signed the permission papers, he ranked high enough to do it, he was their witness" It really hit everybody then, Natasha had lost both Coulson and Clint, the only two people she completely one hundred per cent trusted.

Maybe helping her was going to be harder than they all thought; nonetheless they weren't giving up without a fight…that they were all determined about.

Natasha sat staring out her window as she listened to her teammates discuss Clint's and her own relationship, she had Jarvis play it aloud for her. She was unconsciously stroking the rough grey paper; she traced the words with her fingers. How had Clint of known what she would be feeling? What made him decide to do this? Why the fuck did he have to die anyway? She shot up and kicked the chair next to her over, it hit the ground with a thud, no-one heard. If Clint had been alive he would be banging on the door to check she was ok, but he wasn't here to do that now. Tears dripped off Natasha chin as she angrily brushed them away. She was the Black Widow she didn't cry, of course she loved Clint and always would, there was no denying that, but he was gone, even with the help of the letters she didn't think she would ever really get past it.

P.S You're not alone.

Clint had never lied to her so why would he start now Natasha wondered, her thoughts running in circles. If she wanted to move on, which she didn't but Clint wanted her to, she had to trust him and he said she wasn't alone, but if that really was true…then where was he, because without him she was alone.

"Hey Little Red" it was Tony shouting through the door "it's me the most awesome sexy person you will ever meet and just Steve" she heard what sounded like a slap on the back off the head and Tony complaining. The corners of Natasha's mouth lifted up ever so slightly. "Anyways just letting you know that the tower will be empty tonight except for me and Steve so if you fancy coming out later" she heard his voice break slightly and turn softer "we will be here for you, you're not alone, you know that though right?"

Natasha felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach, hard. The exact words, the exact damn words, She assumed hearing that would make her feel worse but it honestly didn't, it made her feel…safe. This is probably why before Tony and Steve could walk away, she cleared her throat and said,

"Yeah I think I will, thanks guys" she could practically see their shocked faces through the door.

"Ok see you soon Nat" Steve had replied calmly as he dragged Tony away from the door, they each had massive grins plastered on their faces.

All Natasha could think was…

I'm doing this for you Clint.

…**.Intense **** So it takes one second to review and if I get lots then I will continue, Thank you **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Helloooo again a big thank you to anyone who reviewed/favourite/followed if you have any questions or plot ideas pm me, or if you want a certain character for a chapter to be based around let me know. Please review it really does mean a lot, I know, I know I sound desperate…. **

'**Dying is easy; it's living that scares me to death.'**

**Annie Lennox**

Natasha shot awake; she was shivering from the cold that was biting her since she had long kicked the covers off in the night. Her thoughts were tangled within the nightmare she had been having, she reached next to her to feel the warm, safe body next to her. Clint. But she realised when her arm hit the empty bed that he wasn't there. She remembered that Clint's body was lying in Shield morgue, and Natasha didn't know what to do.

Usually Clint would be there to hold her after she woke up from a torturous nightmare, if it was about the red in her ledger then he would wrap his strong arms around her, and rock her softly as tears fell down her cheeks. If it was about the people that had hurt her, emotionally, physically and sexually, especially when she could still feel their hands roaming her body, between her legs, then he would stay up in the vents above her room, to guard her and still keep her safe but from a distance because she couldn't handle human contact yet. The point was though; that he never left her, he was always there to protect her and comfort her, but now that she wasn't she had never felt more vulnerable.

She was sure that the others had heard her nightmares, heard her scream. She knew for a fact that Tony would have asked Jarvis to show him a live video feed from her room to make sure she was ok. She knew Thor and Steve would have jumped up and started towards her door, but Bruce would stop them and shake his head, and then they would all return to their own rooms wishing they could help. But they couldn't because the only person that could…was dead. And it felt like everything had suddenly become so much harder, even breathing, everything would remind her of him and also remind her that she was alone without him, she may as well be dead to.

She curled up into a small ball ignoring the cold and started to cry, and I mean really sob, her shoulders shook and her breathing became erratic, she knew no-one could hear her and the only way someone would find out would be if Jarvis told them.

"Nat, come on Nat, honey" It was Tony knocking on the door, he must have still been watching the video feed, she could her gentle snoring in the rooms near her and realised, to her relief, he was the only one awake except maybe Pepper. "Let me in, you don't have to talk but it's just so someone is there." This just made her cry harder but as he was about to order Jarvis to unlock the door she spoke up.

"Fuck off Tony!" She was surprised to feel anger flood her body "If I wanted to talk to you I would've let you in, leave me alone." It would've been a very believable sentence had her voice not broken on the word leave, and a sob escape her lips at the end. She heard what sounded like his forehead hid the wood softly,

"Ok I'll go but if you wanna talk to me or Pepper, hell any of us, just come and wake us up ok?" she didn't answer her voice shaking too much. "Promise me Natasha, I will not leave this door until I know you will come and get me if you need me." Natasha knew she didn't have a choice because he would do exactly as he threatened if she didn't agree.

"Yeah Tony I will, sorry for shouting" she replied, neither said anything else, both registered just how tired her voice sounded, she knew her apology wasn't even needed. You see, lately the guys and Pepper had taken to trying to get Natasha to show any emotion at them, they were scared she was shutting down, she was scared too. Clint had taught her how to let your feelings through, to prove she wasn't a toy who could be manipulated; she was trying so hard not to forget it, trying so damn hard.

As soon as it was quiet again, her thoughts fell straight back towards her nightmare, she was scared and I mean genuinely scared. Scared because Clint wasn't here to hold her and keep the bad people away, he wasn't here to lie awake in the vents all night to ensure her safety. No hawk to watch her back.

Natasha headed back into the bed and pulled her covers tightly around her, as she lay there her thoughts momentarily left her nightmare and remembered how much progress she had made. After the letter she had found from Clint telling her to leave the room and after her encounter with Bruce, Natasha had left her room and within the two days between now and then, she was at least leaving her room once a day if not more. The only reason she even tried was because Clint wanted her to, so she did her very hardest and it worked, but it didn't make her feel better.

Within ten minutes Natasha was back asleep; unfortunately, within another ten minutes she was awake and trembling. This time the dream hadn't been about all the people she had killed, this time it was about the people that had abused her. They had hit her, kicked her, took her virginity and so much more, they had taken her innocence, her very soul, that is until Clint murdered them and stole it back.

She jumped up and punched the back wall that wasn't connected to another room. It crumbled in revealing a hole about the size of a smaller plate, and inside was a letter. She had always hit the exact same spot every time she panicked when Clint hadn't been quick enough to stop her, always after a nightmare. Natasha reached in, her hand still shaking but for a different reason this time. She plucked out the note and opened it slowly; she could feel her heart beating heavy.

Dear Natasha,

I wonder how long it took you to find this letter, I hope not too long, but I know for a fact you will find it, because nightmares find you like flies to honey and you always punch this wall when you have one Relax sweetheart, sit down wherever you are comfortable and stop your shaking hands. Now Nat, I need to get serious for a minute because I need to apologise. I am so sorry for leaving you to deal with this on your own, I hope you can forgive me, I'm so sorry baby, but you're strong you can do it. I know you're going to be feeling scared and alone so go talk to one of the others, it will help it really will. And don't you dare feel guilty about letting someone else hold you, never feel guilty about anything like that, but let's not go there shall we. My point is you need to let the other guys in, maybe not all at once, but at least one. Good luck, you are the strongest, bravest and just all round bestest woman I have ever met, I know you and I know you can do this.

I love you always, Clint.

P.S You're not alone.

She knew he would write a letter about her nightmares eventually, it had been such a common occurrence between them that it was almost natural, what they did every night. She thought back to the very first night Clint had realised about her nightmares, they had been partners for about six months; they were on a mission in Norway and sharing a run-down hotel room while waiting for the evac team that would come in the morning.

_*Flashback* _

_Natasha stepped out of the warm steamy bathroom and into the freezing cold bedroom. She had spent about half an hour in the shower trying to get the feel of their hands off her. The men that had been holding her and Clint 'captive' thought they could play with her and stuff, just kissing and a bit off touching but before Clint shot them. _

"_Hey, err sorry I think I used most of the hot water." Natasha said running a hand down her face and yawning but still managing to look apologetic. She glanced at Clint who looked amused and not at all angry. _

"_Don't worry about it, get some sleep ok" he whispered softly as he passed her on his way to the bathroom, the shutting of the door knocked her out of her trance and she whipped off the towel and quickly replaced it with one of Clint's t-shirts because she hadn't thought to bring anything else. _

_By the time Clint had gotten out the shower –the hot water had lasted about half a minute but he really didn't mind- and gone back into the bedroom Natasha was fast asleep and curled up with about two blankets covering her, she was still shivering, so he took one of his covers off his bed and draped it over her carefully. He climbed into bed and began to dream of spiders and as the wind howled outside the window and despite his lack of covers he felt strangely warm. _

_That is until he heard Natasha's scream, it wasn't a particularly loud scream, but it sounded like she was in genuine pain, he jumped up straight away, a knife already in his hand ready to fight off any intruders that would dare hurt his partner. He soon realised she was having a nightmare and watched as his spider curled herself into a small ball and cried, the blankets all kicked off her so she was shaking to, probably not just from the cold though. It was obvious she was still asleep before Clint went to wake her up though she started mumbling. _

"_Please, oh god don't, please, let me go!" he knew she was thinking about people touching her he could tell by her tone of voice, but the only ones he knew about were the men from the mission and he had killed them anyway. He decided enough was enough though, so he gently shook her awake, being extra careful considering she was a dangerous assassin that admittedly was a lot smaller than him, but could still kick his ass. _

"_Hey Nat it's just me, Clint, your partner. I'm not going to hurt you, you're just having a bad dream" his voice was soft and grounding, and for once Natasha didn't feel so alone. She struggled to sit up and shivered when she did, Clint placed some blankets around her and they both sat crossed legged on the bed facing each other, Natasha spoke first, _

"_I suppose you want me to tell you what that was about" she said refusing to make eye contact, Clint knew with Natasha you had to be careful with what you said. _

"_Only if you want to tell me, but I would like to know so I can help you" he reached out and held her shaking hand still. _

"_Ok, well you know about my days in the Red Room. Well sometimes I have horrible dreams about the people I killed and it just freaks me out, but sometimes I have dreams about what the people there did to me, I just…I remembered them raping me Clint-" she couldn't carry on, she didn't need to. He was already gathering her broken form in his arms and slowly rocking her, they stayed like that for the rest of the night. As he held her Clint murmured soft comforting words, _

"_You're safe, I'm here and I'll never let them, in fact I'll never let anyone hurt you like that again. Your hawks here Natasha and he'll look after you" they both knew that every word Clint said then, he meant. _

_*End of Flashback* _

Natasha knew after remembering that and the memories from her dream still haunting her, she had to find some sort of comfort, and by this point she honestly didn't care that they might be asleep, she was breaking and she needed someone, god, anyone to hold her. She stumbled out her door and looked up and down the hall, Tony said she could go to any of them and she knew she could. Steve's door was right next to hers so she made a beeline for that one. She knocked very softly on the door, in a strange small way hoping he wouldn't answer, but a much bigger dominant part silently begging him to, he did of course.

"Nat, what's wrong? Are you ok?" his voice was concerned and he reached out to rub soothing circles on her hand, he continued speaking when it was clear she wasn't going to. "I heard you scream earlier I was going to come in but I figured you'd want to be alone." He then noticed her tear stained cheeks and pulled her gently into his room shutting the door behind him, he sat her down on the bed and lifted her chin so she would look into his eyes.

"Steve he was always here when it happened but now he's not and I'm-"she stopped herself before saying the last word, but when she looked into the soldiers eyes she knew she could trust him "scared." She finished, he just nodded and moved his hand to rub circles in her back, platonically.

"Scared of what Nat?" Steve asked as she pulled her legs up and made herself look even smaller, "You can tell me absolutely anything" she nodded softly and continued,

"I have dreams of the past, I've done a lot of bad things to innocent people but I've changed now, I really have. But I still have nightmares about it, all the murders, not just the murders though…other stuff to" she glanced up at him through her eyelashes.

"What other stuff?" Steve asked pushing a strand of hair from her pale face. She gripped his hand and stared at the ground,

"People from my past. You see I was in this programme called the Red Room where they train young girls to be assassins it doesn't exist anymore though, I was the last one. Anyway they would hurt you if you did something wrong or didn't train hard enough, they would hurt you emotionally, physically and…sexually" Steve's whole posture stiffened and he gripped her hand tighter "they raped me and I can't forget it, I can't forget the feel of their hands, usually Clint would be here to keep me safe but he's not." Steve didn't say anything he just scooped her up into his chest and moved up to the top of the bed where he lay her down and pulled the duvet over her small figure. He sat at the top and let her head rest on his legs as he grabbed his shield and propped it next to him.

"Nat you're going to go to sleep now okay? And I promise I am going to be right here with my shield the whole time, no-one is going to touch you I swear, I am going to look after you" his voice was firm, like he was trying hard not to be angry about what she told him for her sake, but he still was. She looked up at him and nodded, believing every word he said. She just managed to whisper out a small 'thank you' before her eyes shut and blackness enveloped her, she welcomed it.

Steve stared down at the sleeping woman next to him, she looked so peaceful and innocent and young, he knew that the other guys needed to know what had happened to her, and he would tell them but only after he spoke with Natasha about it. When she had revealed it to him, he had barely been able to contain his anger. He really did love Natasha, like a sister, he knew all the guys did and they hated seeing her like this but he was glad that he could finally help. In the night his large muscular frame had kept her covered and warm, and he had his shield next to him just in case he needed it.

Natasha's eyes fluttered open and she for one blissful moment thought she was with Clint, until she remembered and it all came crashing down on her, but it didn't seem so heavy now Steve was there protecting her with his shield and himself. She stretched and slid off the bed, she turned to face Steve who to be fair, didn't look tired at all.

"I'm really sorry I kept you up and disturbed you Steve" she said sincerely as she started her way towards the door. He just shook his head and smiled.

"Nat I'm a super soldier it hasn't really had much effect on me, besides I slept for 70 years I think I'm ok, oh and anytime Nat, I meant it day or night you come to me if you need me, I really do mean that" she smiled at him and nodded as she left the room.

She had done what Clint had asked her and she felt proud of herself, she had accepted help from someone and it had benefitted her, Clint had been right. It hit her then that for about two minutes she had been genuinely happy and pleased with herself, but still…

All Natasha could think was,

I'm doing this for you Clint.

**Ugh I wrote this all in one sitting and now I'm tired, it's late, it takes one second to review and this took me a while, please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N This took ages to write so I hope you enjoy it, it may get a little confusing at some points so let me know if you have any questions. Please review it really inspires me, I've got the next two chapters planned but if you have any ideas please tell me cuz I'm running out of them **

Natasha stood on the roof of Avengers Tower, the city moved quickly below as she inhaled a breath of the cold crisp air. She watched the breath turn into a misty white fog as she exhaled, it was strange being up here without Clint, it was lonely. Her phone rang from her pocket, breaking the thought provoking moment, she looked at the caller id, it was Agent Hill. Against better judgement she ignored the call and dropped the phone on the floor. It wasn't that she didn't like the woman, in fact they were very good friends, she just couldn't deal with all the Shield shit at the moment.

"Hello Lady Natasha" she turned her head around slightly, still keeping her hands on the edge of the wall, to see who it was. It was obviously Thor with that language.

"Hi Thor, what are you doing up here?" Natasha replied politely, she pulled herself up onto the edge so she was sitting facing him, his face softened slightly as he strode over next to her.

"Everybody else is out and the God in the ceiling informed me that Shield wished you to come in today." Natasha nodded, as much as they had all tried to convince him otherwise Thor was still believed Jarvis was a God that lived in the ceiling, it had become an upstanding joke.

"I know I just- I don't think I can do it" she rested her head in her hands, while the gentle God of thunder watched her carefully.

"Why is that?" he asked obviously confused with the reason she was avoiding Shield. He noticed the way her shoulders seemed to slump down when he asked her that, but he didn't take the question back, he wanted to know.

"If I go in there they're going to want me to identify the body- his body, and I just don't know if I can do that, plus everybody there knew about are relationship and I don't want all their pity" she looked away from him, no-body was meant to see her weak like this. He ignored her blatant signals that she wanted to be left alone and pulled himself up so he was sitting next to her, and he wrapped his big arm around her petite shoulders, pulling her close to his body, keeping her warm.

"You know you are going to have to do this eventually, I will come with you, the others can come when they get back as well" he offered, still rubbing her arm slightly.

"No it's fine don't bother them, I can do this on my own" she said as she jumped up, he nodded happily.

"Yes you can!" they both laughed at his inspirational words, only Thor didn't notice how Natasha's smile didn't reach her eyes. She waved goodbye as she walked towards the door, she took one last long breath of fresh air and went inside wishing she could be going anywhere else.

_*Flashback* _

_Natasha stood in the gym in front of about 15 large men, all training at Shield to become new agents. They all watched in shock as she easily took the two others fighting against her down, the men all took an uneasy step back. _

"_Whoa Nat, now, now, be gentle with the new recruits. Hi guys, I'm Clint by the way, about to save you from the terror of the black widow over here." Clint said as he swaggered in, barley glancing at the men and instead walked up to his smaller partner. "Fancy a spar?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Natasha bit back a laugh. _

"_Sure I need an excuse to punch you in the face anyway Clint" she motioned towards the mats and he followed, by this point several more already qualified agents had gathered around and were taking bets. Both Natasha and Clint took up their fighting stances and glared angrily at each other…unsuccessfully. Natasha went in for the first hit, she aimed for Clint's pelvis but he had expected this and blocked her punch, he spun her around and tried to knock her feet out from under her. She easily twisted it back onto him and he went into the ground, pulling Natasha with him. She struggled to get back up but he pushed her down and straddled her legs while gripping her hands together above her head with one of his hands. He used the other to softly stroke her face and whispered in her ear, _

"_I win" she laughed softly as he kissed her on the lips, everybody watching stood shocked at the fact that she hadn't won. But before they begun clapping for Clint, Natasha suddenly jerked her body, especially her knees sending them straight in-between Clint's legs, he released her hands and rolled of her, breathing in gasps. Natasha straddled his stomach this time and kissed him on the lips, she whispered in his ear, _

"_I win" and no-body argued, especially not Clint. _

_*End of Flashback* _

Natasha quickly went into the wardrobe in her room to grab her cat suit for Shield, as she undid the zipper she noticed, inside was a letter.

"Thank god" she mumbled as she picked it up and stroked the edges softly, it had been two days since her last one about nightmares and she needed Clint again, more so than usual.

Dear Natasha,

This is gonna be hard; it's time for my funeral and for you to identify my body. I trust you to organise my funeral for me, maybe Pepper can help? I know you'll get it right, you know me better than anyone else. Please write a eulogy for me Tasha, I know you don't like public speaking but it will only be a few people, and you'll be great. Now that you've read that, you'll panic and get nervous, because you'll feel like what you say has to be perfect and the whole thing has to be perfect. It doesn't, not for me. You know what, fuck it. I don't give a shit about my funeral; I only care about your eulogy. Whatever you write will be enough for me, so please baby don't worry. When you read it don't be nervous. Imagine it's just me and you, and you can finally say the goodbye you never got to say, and you will get the closure you need, because I will be listening. I will be there holding your hand, keeping you up, watching your back. Like always and forever.

Please put this on my headstone:

I lived my life through fear. If I was afraid of it, I'd do it just so I wasn't afraid of it anymore.

I know identifying my body isn't something you want to do, but you have to Tasha. You need closure, knowing my luck I probably didn't die in the nicest way but it's still me baby, just me an you Nat, like always, I'm still with you just not in body, in heart.

I love you always, Clint.

P.S You're not alone.

Of course he would have put this letter in her shield suit, it would mean she was going to look at his body, how had she not guessed that? Natasha swore angrily, a eulogy, how the hell was she going to do Clint justice by writing a few words? It didn't matter yet though, first she had to go into Shield ugh, perfect, just fucking perfect.

_30 minutes later _

Natasha strode confidently into Fury's office, she tried her best to ignore the stares of her fellow agents, people Clint had tried to get her to be friends with. Although they all watched her sadly it made her want to punch them all in the face, she didn't of course but she wanted to. Instead she just stroked the inside of her sleeve, where she'd hidden Clint's third letter. It calmed her slightly; it felt like a part of him was with her.

"Agent Romanoff" Fury greeted as she pushed open his door, not pausing to knock, "Glad to see you, now I called you here because we need to discuss a few things" she nodded wordlessly and sunk into one of the chairs opposite his desk, all her previous confidence abandoned her. "Firstly I want to say I am very sorry for you loss agent, Clint was a brilliant agent and an even better avenger"

"Thank you sir" Natasha managed to force out the words before gripping the letter tucked in her sleeve tighter. Fury nodded and continued talking, it may have seemed heartless to most people but Natasha knew Fury never usually spoke to agents about deaths; he obviously did care, just discreetly.

"I am going to need you to identify the body for me, and also plan the funeral I hope this is ok with you" he didn't really seem to be asking her opinion but Natasha answered anyway.

"Yes sir, I can do that" they both ignored the fact that her voice broke on the last word, Fury rose to his feet, as did Natasha they shook hands and Natasha left his office quietly, just before she walked off she heard Fury say,

"Oh Barton you motherfucker, I'm gonna miss you" he definitely cared then.

Maybe it was the fact that she was walking towards the door that inside, held her best friend/husband/partner's body, but Natasha's legs seemed to weigh a tonne. She paused outside the door, her head leaned down to rest against the metal, before she could go any further she heard footsteps running down the stairs towards her.

"Natasha! Natasha wait!" it sounded like…yes it was it was Bruce and Tony. They ran towards her both panting and Bruce checking his pulse.

"Thor said you came to…well you know" Tony gestured to the door "We didn't want you to go it alone, so here we are" he smiled at her before resting his hands on his knees and deeply breathing.

"But of course, if you do want to do this alone, we can wait out here for you" Bruce continued softly. Natasha just shook her head and smiled slightly despite what she was about to do,

"Can you come in, I don't know how bad this is going to be..." she trailed off so they both nodded, and Bruce gripped her hand. Natasha pushed the door open slowly and stepped inside, Bruce behind her and Tony following him, none of them even breathed as they all stepped forward to look at the table.

"Fuck" Tony swore.

"Oh god…" Bruce breathed.

"Clint" Natasha half whispered half cried. He had two bullet wounds in his stomach, one in his chest and cuts all up and down his legs, all in all he didn't look good. Well, he was dead. Natasha shook away from Bruce and Tony she walked up to Clint's body; she stretched out a shaking hand and touched his cheek with her fingertips, it was ice cold, he was ice cold. She let out a shaky breath,

"It's him, oh god of course it's him, they know it's him! Why did they make me come and look! My poor Clint, he must have been in so much pain! I never even got to say a real proper goodbye; he was alone when he died! I should've been there, why wasn't I there! I should've been on that mission with him at least then we would have died together!" she screamed before Tony pulled her into his chest, stroking the back of her head.

"Shh, Nat. I know honey it's ok, shh it's ok" she pushed away from him, tears falling from her eyes.

"No it's not ok! He's dead! I loved him, no, no, no I still love him! But the thing is he's dead and I am never going to be able to hold him again, don't you understand that, either of you? No, you don't why the fuck would you?" Tony kept his eyes on the floor while Bruce held out his hand to the shaking assassin in front of him,

"Help us understand Nat, come on, you know we're trying to help you, we really are here for you, come on, come here" strangled sobs pulled free from her throat but she didn't make moves to go towards either of the men.

"I don't know what to do; I don't think I can do this. Oh god, Clint" she started really sobbing now; she grabbed Bruce's hand as she slid to the floor. Bruce and Tony shared looks Tony went to sit down next to her while Bruce headed towards the door,

"I'll let Fury know that you recognised him, I'll see you both back at the tower" Tony nodded but Natasha just tucked her head into Tony's shoulder and continued to cry and shake. Soon Tony had gotten Natasha, who had stopped crying but seemed in a state of shock, into his expensive sports car without anyone at Shield seeing, that may have been down to Maria as well. Once they were in the car Natasha spoke up, quietly.

"Tony do you understand how I'm feeling?" she had curled up in her seat with her head resting on the window, watching as the rain drops run down.

"No I don't Nat" she just nodded and whispered,

"Shall I make you understand?"

"Yeah ok, I want to know" he replied his voice just as soft. Natasha reached across and held his hand.

"Imagine this was Pepper, imagine you found out she had been killed like that. That you had to go and see her cold, still, destroyed body lying lonely on that table, to know her hands are never going to move again, she will never hug you or kiss you again, you'll never hear her voice again, you'll never hold her again. You will very soon have to put her deep in the ground, where she's by herself all alone in that grave, in a box, she will never breathe again nor will you, because we both know you can't breathe without her" Natasha's voice had remained a steady quiet throughout her speech, Tony had gone completely still, his eyes were wide, he managed to say while his voice cracked.

"I understand now" Natasha just shook her head,

"No you don't because it didn't happen to you" neither said anything after that, but as soon as Tony returned to his room he rang Pepper and told her that he loved her while silently praying that that would never happen to them because if it did Tony would die too.

Natasha lay on her bed as she tried to forget the image of Clint's cold body lying on the table. She still had tear stains on her cheeks but she didn't have the energy to brush them away. As soon as she had got back she had disconnected Jarvis from her room so she could have some privacy. Natasha glanced up as she heard her door open softly; her heart basically stopped when she saw who walked in…it was Clint.

"Clint!" he stepped towards her, she jumped up and reached out to touch him "Is it really you?" he smiled that beautiful angel smile,

"Yes sweetheart it's really me" his voice was soft and gentle, just as Natasha remembered.

"But I saw you today, you were dead, you're not real I'm dreaming or something" nonetheless Natasha stepped forward just as Clint did, their hands met and his calloused fingers felt just as Natasha remembered them.

"I know but you didn't check properly, that wasn't me Nat, I'm here with you alive" Natasha nodded and leaned in slightly, Clint needed no other invitation and he as well leaned in to kiss her, their lips melted together as comfort and relief washed over Natasha, she finally had her hawk back.

"I missed you, I love you, please don't leave me Clint, please" Natasha begged as Clint held her face in his hands, he nuzzled her nose softly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I have to go" Natasha's eyes widened in shock, he pulled his hands away, Natasha tried to grab his wrists but it was like she went through him, she wheeled around to face him again, his eyes were sad and he was backing away.

"Clint, stay! What are you doing, where are you going? You just got back?" she fell to her knees at his feet and he bent down next to her.

"Nat you know I'm not here, not really, you were right I am really dead" his voice was sad and heavy. She cried out and tried to hold him but he pulled back, "I'm sorry sweetheart"

"No, no, no! God please, Clint, please stay!" she reached for him again but he moved away again, just out of her reach.

"Natasha I was never really here, you know that, I love you always and I'm sorry I left you, and I'm sorry I'm leaving you, goodbye sweetheart"

"No please, please Clint, don't go" Natasha broke into sobs again but looked up at Clint as he looked down.

"Say goodbye Nat, I hope this helps your eulogy" he winked that cheeky wink Natasha loved and stepped back again.

"Goodbye Clint, I love you so so much, always" Natasha whispered while still crying. As blackness pulled her in Natasha could just make out the three last words her partner would ever say to her.

"I love you" Natasha awoke and shot up as she remembered her dream from last night, it all hit her again the frightening loneliness, the bitter fact that Clint was dead and the thought that she had to write a eulogy. With the last one in mind she pulled together the energy and rolled out of bed, she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, she began writing her final words to say goodbye to Clint and while she was doing this,

All Natasha could think was,

I'm doing this for you Clint.

**A/N Please review I'll really appreciate it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hello again, this I thought was a sad chapter but please enjoy it, if I don't get 6 or 7 reviews I wont be posting again for a loooong time or ever lol. Enjoy **

Today was going to be hard for everybody, it was Clint's funeral. After the disaster that was identifying Clint's body, Natasha went to visit Pepper to ask her help for organising the event, Pepper had agreed and the two women had sat down to discuss arrangements. Natasha wasn't sure if Pepper had kicked the guys out or if they all just happened to be out while they were planning it but either way they didn't bother them, and for that she was thankful.

Natasha had never really thought about Clint's funeral, purely because she had always expected that she would die before Clint, and she wished she did because it was harder than she had ever expected.

The beautiful assassin lay on her bed, counting down from one-hundred to slow her breathing. What if I can't do it? Natasha wondered, her thoughts running around in pointless circles, she didn't even realise she was crying until her tear drops dripped into her ears and she rubbed them away impatiently, typically ignoring her shaking hands. She heard a gentle rapping on the door, still not bothering to move she just shouted,

"Come in!" the door opened slowly and Bruce stepped in, he smiled timidly and softly shut the door behind him, he came and sat on the end of her bed, wisely choosing not to comment on Natasha's tear stained cheeks.

"Hey, just wanted to check you were ok" he said tracing a finger across her leg in soothing patterns.

"I'm fine" she replied, her words although soft contained hidden venom that seemed to dig into Bruce's heart.

"No" he muttered glancing up to look at her, "No you're not" Again Natasha just couldn't seem to gather enough energy to answer properly or argue,

"I know" was all she said. It was strange though, the voice she said the words in was monotone, but they still seemed to twist themselves around Bruce's neck, just enough so he could feel the tight pull. "Bruce, have you ever lost someone close to you?" she asked, sounding each word perfectly.

"No I haven't and that is exactly why I am going to be here for you the whole time" his voice was firm, he held out a hand and pulled Natasha up, she rolled her head back as he did so.

"Can I ask you something?" Natasha questioned as she sat crossed legged facing Bruce –it made him realise how young she actually was- he nodded, just relieved she was talking to him properly. "Do you love someone called Betty Ross?" however, she already knew the answer as soon as she asked the question because Bruce's whole body tensed up and he clenched his fists.

"Yes, but I had to leave her, you know for her own safety" he replied, trying to keep in mind that the only reason Natasha was hurting him like this was because she was hurting.

"I know you think you're dangerous but you're not, not to the people you love" she answered running a finger across his knuckles.

"I nearly killed you that day on the helicarrier" Bruce snarled back, he was surprised by the intensity of his voice but Natasha wasn't, or if she was she just didn't show it.

"Yeah, but you didn't know me then. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that when you are the hulk you would kill me if given the chance, honestly" Natasha said turning Bruce so he was fully facing her, he slightly regretted entering her room (or web as Tony calls it) now.

"As the hulk, if given the chance I would-" he couldn't seem to get the words out, as he tried to finish the sentence a heavy pounding began in his head and he knew it was the hulk. Bruce realised that after Clint's death and watching Natasha in so much pain the hulk had grown strong feelings of protection towards her.

"Exactly" Natasha continued as if reading his mind, "now if you wouldn't hurt me can you really imagine yourself hurting Betty." Bruce still shook his head, trying to remain stubborn. "Look all I'm going to say on the subject now is this; if you don't act on how you feel while you have the chance you will regret it. Imagine if Betty died Bruce, and you could've saved her, the hulk could've saved her. You love her so don't waste all this time because, and I'm living proof, you don't know how long you have left so don't spend it alone" Bruce knew she was right, he could feel the emotions of the hulk and his own mixing together, she was right.

"How do I contact her?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. Natasha just shook her head.

"I've already rang her she's coming to the funeral, Clint would've wanted you to be happy and you'll be shocked by how much you needed the support" she explained softly. "Can you give me some time now please, I need a minute"

"Th-thank you Nat, and yeah of course I will" he stood up and made his way towards her door. It wasn't until he stepped outside and ran into Tony, did he realise that he hadn't help Natasha at all, she helped him.

_*Flashback* _

_It was raining. Natasha and Clint stood side by side standing over his grave. _

"_Do you think it hurts?" Clint asked solemnly, turning his head to the right to look at Natasha. _

"_Depends how you die I suppose, afterwards though I don't think there's anything apart from nothing" she answered just as serious. A huge gust of wind blew straight into them but neither stumbled back. _

"_I think there's something up there, like a heaven" Clint replied "and I reckon he is up there watching over us" he reached out and grasped Natasha's hand, she shivered and he drew her into his chest. _

"_Promise me something Clint" Natasha said after a few minutes of silence. _

"_Anything" _

"_If I'm dying and there's nothing you can do to save my life, please end it. I don't care how, just quickly and by your hand" she turned into him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. _

"_Only if you do the same for me" _

"_I promise" she answered. _

"_So do I" he agreed. The two assassins whispered goodbye as they left the cemetery. _

_Leaving behind the gravestone that meant so much to both of them, the name newly carved and fresh in their memories. _

_Phil Coulson. _

_*End of Flashback* _

The clothes in Natasha's wardrobe all seemed wrong, it had to be perfect but none of them were. She needed exactly the right dress for her husband's funeral, so when she stood by his grave and her heart collapsed she could, at least look pretty. She let her feet fall backwards so her back hit the wall, she slowly slid down. The wall was cold and made her want to jerk away, but, she didn't. Instead she covered her face with her hands, and let her forearms rest on her thighs.

"Oh god" slipped through her fingers, the words danced and lingered as they floated around the empty room. Natasha wasn't too sure how long she was there for until her body was suddenly warm with a blanket pulled around her and something heavy wrapped around her shoulders. She looked up and to her left already knowing what, rather who, she would see. It was of course Tony.

"Why're you sitting on the floor Nat?" he asked softly as she rested into him.

"Because I can't find anything to wear, it's either too bright or too dull and usually I would ask Clint but I can't because it's his funeral Tony! It's his and I wish it were the other way round because I can't do this…I can't do this, I just…I just can't do this" her voice had risen but then lowered back to down until she whispered her last words.

"Shh, shh it's okay, I'm here. I've got you Nat" he whispered back, almost crying himself, he didn't like seeing her so upset.

"But it shouldn't be you, it should be him" she answered still pulling Tony closer though.

"Let me help you get something to wear" Tony offered standing up and heading into her closet. "Jeez, how many clothes do you have?" he asked as she smiled slightly and answered, her head still in her hands,

"Most are for missions"

"What about this then?" Tony asked holding up some red lingerie and placing it against his body, sticking out his chest and bending one leg.

"Idiot" Natasha mumbled as she tried to contain her giggles –Tony also took that time to realise how she did not seem very 'assassiny'- he placed the lingerie back into the rows of clothes and pulled out a bright yellow dress, his expression a picture of shock.

"You, the most evil and deadly spider, wear a blinding yellow sundress!" she laughed some more but didn't answer so he continued. "So is this how you catch your flies, trick them into thinking your nice and sweet and then…bang! They're swallowed" Natasha couldn't contain her laughter this time and let it out, Tony soon joined in until they were both on the floor, crying, but with a rare worry free happiness. Once he had got back up, pulling Natasha with him they continued to hunt for something to wear occasionally grabbing something stupid and making each other laugh with stupid comments. It wasn't until Tony stumbled over a box did the atmosphere become tense, "What's this?" he asked having no idea that he had just found something important.

"I have no idea" Natasha replied stepping out from all the clothes and kneeling down next to the box. She peeled back the lid and immediately knew who it was from,

"It's from Clint" she whispered and held up the familiar letters she had been receiving, she looked up and noticed Tony's shocked expression. It was time she explained things to him, and she did, all about the letters how he had been giving her advice and making her feel at first worst but usually better after. They sat in a comfortable if not slightly tense silence until Tony jumped up.

"You need to read this by yourself, oh and look in the box again" he bent down and kissed her on the forehead as he walked past and exited her room. Natasha barely waited a second before she tore off the lid again, inside was a beautiful knee-high dark purple dress that would be perfect for exactly what she had to do today, after stroking the soft material Natasha picked up the letter again.

_Dear Natasha, _

_I cried today, when I wrote this. Not because if you're reading this then that means I would be dead, no I cried because the thought of leaving you is just so damn hard to think of. I realised you would need a part of me to really move on. So I want to tell you a story. _

_You were lying in our bed, and telling me about the time you won a gymnastic medal when you were little. You said it was one of the happiest days in your life, and that you still had the medal. I kept bugging you until you could be bothered to get up off your lazy ass and find it. When you did we lay on the couch watching the Wizard of Oz. You were playing with your little prize and as you got up to leave you pressed the medal into my hands and said it was a part of you for me. I kept that medal on me since that day, always. A year later I went on that mission to Alaska, I nearly died on that mission but I felt the medal on top of my heart and held on, for you. Later once I was back in shield medical the doctors told me that if that little piece of metal hadn't of been there I would have died, the force of the bullet would have killed me. A little piece of you saved me Nat. _

_So although it may not save your life, like your medal did for me. It will keep you going when the day feels that much harder, maybe I should have given you this first. Enclosed is a small box, open it now, right now before you read the rest. _

_Keep breathing Nat, feel it on your chest, that's me, guarding your heart, because I am your hawk and always will be. _

_Love you always, Clint. _

_P.S You're not alone. _

Natasha peered back inside the box and noticed a smaller, more elegant jewellery box encased in the black tissue paper, it was a beautiful gold and she almost didn't want to touch it and ruin it's purity. When she finally got over herself and opened it, she let out a shaky breath as she gazed down on a stunning silver necklace; on the chain was a delicate bow and arrow. The thick part of the bow had small diamonds studded inside, as well as on the little arrow placed as if it was ready to shoot, it was connected the chain from point where the bow and string meets, the string was a gentle line of silver also pulled back to hold the arrow. And it was absolutely perfect.

She lay back on the floor and thought about his words, 'guarding your heart' she imagined him walking down a random street in New York and seeing this in a window and instantly buying it, for her. For her. Suddenly the day seemed slightly more bearable.

_*Flashback* _

_Natasha ran through the back streets of New York, she was trying to be as silent as possible, her chest heaved and her side ached. She had been sprinting for so long and occasionally having to climb up the odd fire escape or so, she was so sure she was about to collapse. She had lost Clint about twenty minutes ago, she knew he was safe so had continued running. She stopped in the middle of an alleyway to catch her breath, hoping that none of the enemy would find her. _

_Without warning something dropped halfway down from the fire escape above her. It was Clint, he was hanging by his legs upside so his face was inches from hers, and he leant in and held his hands on Natasha's cheeks and whispered, _

"_I'm Spiderman" just as it began to rain. He pulled her face to his as they kissed and the heavens opened around them. Natasha heard sets of heavy footsteps running behind her with nowhere to run she looked up at Clint panic etched on her face, hardly making a sound he grabbed her waist with his muscular arms and pulled her up. The platform of the fire escape was tiny and she was sitting down on Clint's lap while he pulled her closer to him, ignoring the people on the ground as if they weren't trying to kill them, the couple continued to kiss. _

_*End of Flashback* _(**Ok I suggest you listen to 'In the Arms of An Angel' by Sarah McLaughlin to get the full effect from now on).**

Natasha was fully dressed and looking in the mirror, she had the dress on with her new necklace and she looked beautiful, beautiful in a tragic lonely sort of way. Her door was pushed open softly and Steve stepped in,

"Ready?" he asked picking up her black coat and helping her put it on.

"Yeah, I am" she nodded and took his outstretched arm. He kissed her hand and they headed out the door, it wasn't raining but the clouds were grey and covered the whole sky. Thor, Bruce, Steve and Tony were all dressed in black suits with purple ties, they all gave Natasha soft smiles but none spoke and she was grateful because she honestly didn't think she could. The cemetery was beautiful but it seemed too small to hold Clint's spirit, he was after all a hawk who liked to fly. Only the Avengers, Fury, Agent Hill, Pepper, Jane, Betty and several other close Shield Agents attended but it was perfect, however, Natasha had noticed on the drive down that there were purple bow and arrows on every corner, displayed in shop windows and graffiti on walls, all in memory of Clint, the city actually cared. The unloving city loved Clint, but that was the thing Clint had this way of burying deep into you heart and for Natasha he had made a permanent home there, he was welcome.

Steve went up to talk first he said what a good man Clint had been, a good soldier, a good person. Tony and Bruce both told stories of Clint some humorous but all tinged with a certain sadness, Thor announced that Asgard had considered him one of the bravest warriors they had seen and all paid their respects, but Thor said Clint was the bravest warrior he had personally ever known, and then it was Natasha's turn. Time for her eulogy just like she had promised.

She stood shakily up and walked to the small platform; she took a deep breath and began her goodbye.

"Clint was everything to me, he was my best friend, he was my husband, and he was my partner. It didn't matter whatever shit we got into on missions because somehow we always managed to crawl back. Admittedly not in the best shape all the time, but we got back, together." She looked to where the coffin lay, and smiled, it was small and sad but there. "And I think the reason we did was because we really loved each other and never left the other behind…until now. The one thing Clint wanted more than anything else was to make up for his past and become a hero, and I think we can all stand here and truthfully say that he did it, and more. So now I only have one thing left to say, and that is that as much as it hurts that he isn't here anymore, it's time to say goodbye, because you all know Clint, so you know he is so stubborn, and I think he knew his time was up, so he went, peacefully. I love you Clint" she let out a shaky breath "my best friend, my husband, my partner, my everything"

She sat back down, Thor wrapped his large arm around her and the priest gave his blessing, Clint was lowered into the ground and buried. Everybody filed out but Natasha stayed standing above his grave.

"Just come down when you're ready Nat" Jane said softly as they walked away, leaving Natasha alone. She sat down in the grass and began picking it,

"I hope you liked my eulogy Clint, I'm so lonely without you, it's like there's a part of me missing. I'll never forget you, but you know that. Goodbye my hawk, keep on flying" Natasha stood and brushed herself off, she wiped away her tears and plumped her hair, at least she looked pretty as her heart collapsed.

All the while thinking,

I did this for you Clint.

**Depressing much **** I hope you enjoyed it remember 6 or 7 reviews or I wont post again for ages or ever! Lol x **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N First…THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! The last set of reviews are honestly the nicest I have ever had which is probably why I updated quicker, so seriously thank you for that, and of course pleeease do it again **** let's aim for 7 reviews? That'd be amazing. **

**If you have any plot ideas please tell me, I know it's my job but I'm kinda stuck, anything you want included anyone, like I dunno Bucky Barnes? Just send me a pm :D **

**Thank you to my Beta Reader Starcrier! **

"Last boarding for flight 463 to Budapest" came the too perfect and practised voice from the speakers in the ceiling. Natasha was in the airport, she was running. It was the day after Clint's funeral and it had seemed to cement the fact that she was alone and would be from now on in Natasha's mind. She had done the thing that came natural to her when a situation became too personal and emotional; she turned her back on it. She picked up her large shoulder bag and faced the doors that led onto the plane that would take her to her new life.

Well 'new life' were the wrong words, after Clint, Natasha could never just move on. She was too broken to pick up all the pieces of herself and start again, so instead she would find a small apartment, keep to herself and constantly try to forget everything that she had left behind, and everyone that had left her.

"Miss are you boarding?" the air hostess asked from her little table, Natasha nodded and walked over; as she handed her ticket she couldn't help but stare. The women was pretty with her blonde hair and blue eyes but Natasha wasn't staring because of that, she was staring because the women seemed so together. With her neat red uniform, hair in perfect ringlets and a large (possibly fake) smile plastered on her face, if this women was upset or hurting she hid it very well.

"Thanks" Natasha muttered as she took back her pass and continued on towards the plane. She had never been that big a fan of flying, she was usually on the Helicarrier or Tony or Thor's backs and not a normal standard plane. Thinking of Thor and Tony sent Natasha's mind crashing back to her home…ex-home.

_*Flashback* _

_It was early the same morning, half an hour ago Natasha had made the decision to leave, she had packed her back and entered the common room, hoping no-one was in there. Of course someone was, well two people, Steve and Bruce. Natasha wasn't worried she knew she could trick them…she just didn't want to. _

"_Hey Nat, you ok?" Steve asked as she tried to sneak past him –unsuccessfully-. _

"_Yeah I'm going out for a bit I'll see you guys later" she tried to sound slightly less monotone but quickly realised that it was harder than she thought. _

"_Where are you going?" Bruce questioned softly, he stood in the doorway and the way he was looking at Natasha she guessed he was beginning to understand what she was really doing. _

"_I just need to put a few things into Shield Base" she replied briskly, Steve too narrowed her eyes, she noticed her mistake. She seemed to emotionally stable considering what had happened yesterday, time to take it up a notch, she thought sadly. "Look can you two just leave me alone, if I wanted to talk to you or if I needed you I already promised I would come and get you!" she growled. _

_Neither Bruce nor Steve seemed surprised by her little outburst and she got the eerie feeling they had been talking about her and preparing themselves for it. _

"_Ok sorry Nat, stay safe" Steve said as he turned back to his cooking, _

"_See you soon" Bruce added as she passed him, their eye connected for just a second and something seemed to pass between them. Natasha tried to hurry away but he followed her and waited with her by the elevator. "Please don't do this" he said softly, this was the first time Natasha felt truly remorseful. _

"_I don't know what you're talking about" she replied unconvincingly but ever the spy in keeping up her cover. The elevator pinged and she stepped inside, Bruce put his hand over the door to stop it closing, Natasha was getting increasingly agitated. _

"_If you don't come back soon I'm going to tell the others Nat, you know none of us will stop before we find you" she looked at him, trying to decipher if he was telling the truth, they both knew he was. _

"_Good luck with that" she answered as she pushed his hand back, his face looked so forlorn that Natasha knew she couldn't leave him like that. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "Goodbye." He nodded in response before adding, _

"_See you soon" the elevator doors shut and Natasha was alone…again. _

_*End of Flashback* _

"Sorry" the man apologised as Natasha and he walked into each other.

"No, no" she said distractedly "that was my fault, sorry" he smiled and gestured to her bag, "yes please" she answered and managed to give a tight smile this time as he picked her bag up and placed it in the overhead cabin.

"What seat are you?" he asked waiting politely as Natasha fumbled for her ticket.

"32a"

"Great I'm 32b" he smiled and moved to the side so she could get to her seat. Once they were both sitting, Natasha was about to pick up her book when the man interrupted her "I never got your name."

"Oh it's Jessica," Natasha answered smoothly, she was very aware of the fact that this man could be another enemy, very unlikely but still possible plus he was annoying. "Jessica Coulson"

"Christopher Jacobs, but please call me Chris" he said although Natasha hadn't asked, he held out his hand awkwardly in the small space, Natasha shook it but turned to look back out the window, not entirely comfortable with the space between herself and her new 'friend.'

"So Jessica are you single?" Chris asked after a brief –and in Natasha's opinion, peaceful- silence.

"No she's not can we please swap places, I'd like to sit next to my girlfriend" Clint interrupted as Natasha's heart leapt, but then rapidly fell as she realised it wasn't Clint but Steve. He gave Chris a look that made him move immediately, even though by the way Natasha was staring at Steve it was clear they weren't together.

"Why are you here?" Natasha hissed as she glared at the soldier, he didn't even flinch.

"Bruce told us what was going on, Tony tracked your credit cards, we decided I'd be best at this but if I can't persuade you to come back, I'll call in the others and if necessary we'll use force" he laughed gently as if he was joking but both he and Natasha knew the Avengers would personally travel all the way out here and drag her back even if they had to walk every step of the way, with a kicking and screaming assassin.

A wave of emotions swallowed Natasha and she turned her head purposely to look out the window, avoiding eye contact.

"Nat…" Steve began, his voice much more gentle, he reached out a large hand to stroke his thumb along Natasha's arm.

"Why won't you guys just let me go?" She felt Steve's whole body tense; she shook her arm out of his grip. "Don't ok, just don't, leave me alone, I don't want you to help me, I don't need you to help me so just let me go!" she couldn't shout within the confines of the plane so instead she made her voice so low and dangerous, it made Steve swallow nervously.

"Look I-"he didn't get any further before Natasha turned her whole body around clearly showing she did not want to be spoken to. Neither spoke for the rest of the flight and when the plane finally landed they found themselves in an awkward silence.

"Are you going back to New York?" Natasha asked Steve, her voice was steady but her hands were shaking slightly. He reached up to get her bag down for her; Natasha pushed his arms out the way and snatched it down, spinning on one foot and stalking down the aisle. Steve followed at a slower more careful pace. Once he caught up with her she seemed to have calmed down marginally.

"Tony was going to pay for my hotel if I hadn't persuaded you to come home by the end of the flight" Steve explained as the warm air hit them both, it was refreshing with a light breeze.

"You can stay at my apartment if you need to, if you want to" Natasha offered stiffly.

"Thank you Nat I appreciate it" they caught each other's eye and nodded at each other, a mutual understanding settled, Steve wouldn't annoy Natasha to come back and she would keep her mind open about the whole thing.

_*Flashback* _

"_Natasha get your ass down!" Clint yelled over the sound of piercing gun fire. The two assassins were backed up against a wall with roughly 20-30 enemy surrounding most of which were armed with knives and a few with guns. Natasha drove into the floor and smacked her head when one of the men jumped on her stomach, he pulled out a knife but before he could stab down Natasha had broken his wrist and dislocated his arm, he rolled away moaning in pain, she jumped up and kicked him in the face, sending him sprawling. She dabbed quickly at the new cut on her forehead, wiping away the blood that was dripping down her face blocking her vision. _

_Clint wasn't fairing much better, he had several knives and throwing stars attached to his suit but his arrows were basically ran out so he had had to use his bow as a handheld weapon. Two men ran at him, one holding a gun the other brandishing a knife. Clint swung his leg round to kick one in the neck, he stumbled backwards and Clint took the opportunity to use his stomach as a spring board and launch himself into the other man's legs it knocked him down straight away effectively snapping his left leg. Clint jumped to his feet and pulled his bow around the other -still standing- man's neck and pulled and twisted until the man collapsed from lack of air, Clint had no idea if he was dead or alive, and he didn't care. _

"_What do we do?" Natasha shouted as she was being strangled by another man, Clint angrily ripped one of his throwing stars off his suit and threw it straight into the attacker's neck, his arms dropped from Natasha's throat and she gasped for air, Clint grabbed her hand and they began running for the exit. _

"_Talk about shit hitting the fan" Clint gasped as they ran through the streets of Budapest. There was the distant sound of shouting and more gunfire. _

"_God, what do we do?" Natasha yelled as they both desperately checked through their weapons. As she looked back up to plan their next move, Clint pulled her into him as the echoing sound of a bullet rang around the alley, Natasha felt Clint's large body fall into her, and she immediately realised what had happened. He had saved her from being shot; the bullet had torn through his stomach. Natasha left him on the floor as she killed the remaining enemy's a new anger burned in her veins as she slashed and killed, not a shred of remorse left in her body. The Black Widow was in control, and nobody hurt her Hawk. _

_Before she could drag Clint out and towards the newly landed quinjet a huge explosion shook the streets and shattered the glass which rained down on the assassins. Natasha was thrown back, slamming into the ground. She scrambled up and ran nearer to where the grenade had blown to retrieve her partner. _

"_Clint!" she screamed her voice showing genuine panic. "Clint can you hear me?" she saw Clint's unconscious form and ran over to him she recoiled at the sight, blood was pouring out of his ears, nose and stomach. _

_After Budapest Clint had been 80% deaf in his left ear, and 90% in his right, if anybody asked him if he regretted what he did, he would always shake his head and say, _

"_No because I did it for my spider" _

_*End of Flashback* _

Natasha shook the torturing memories out of her head; she needed to focus on unpacking. As she rummaged inside her bag searching for her shorts and tank top her hand brushed against a zip she hadn't realised was there. Impatiently she ripped it open and pulled out a letter, one of Clint's letters. Her heart leapt into her mouth as she carefully opened the envelope.

Dear Natasha,

Let the team in and let yourself break, I always said you can't be put back together until you let yourself break. Once you've done that you can be put back together.

But Nat, what you're doing is wrong. The reason I put this letter in this bag is because it's your 'running away bag' you can't do this to them. Not to the guys and not to yourself, I'm not going to lecture you honey, but stay with them, do this for me please. I can't bear the thought of you sitting there with no one around you, please stay with the guys I know you can look after yourself but I want to know they're there if you need them. You mean the world to them, and Pepper and Jane, so please if not for yourself and if not for me, then do it for them.

Love you always, Clint.

P.S You're not alone.

Natasha hadn't realised just how close to the edge she'd been, this whole time pretty much since the funeral, her hands had been shaking, her bottom lip would quiver and she had no energy. It was as if someone had made these things into bricks and dropped them straight on top of her at once, they knocked her down, Clint's words knocked her down.

She wasn't sure whether it had been one minute or one hour but soon there was a heavy banging on her door, it was Steve.

"Natasha open this door!" she couldn't even answer, "Natasha if you don't say something, I'm coming in" he waited for three seconds before the old wooden door burst open and Steve jumped in, his shield was poised and he was ready to fight away danger. Except all he found was a broken girl lying on the floor, curled protectively around herself as she shook. "Oh Nat" was his shattered words, he strode over and scooped her into his arms, she didn't protest she couldn't.

"Clint…" came Natasha's weak beg, and she was begging, the Black Widow was begging because she had nothing left. She kept repeating his name as Steve placed her on the small padded couch, she words gradually turned into sobs until she truly was a mess. Steve sat there valiantly, on the floor so their heads were level, he would stroke her hair and whisper soft words. "Please don't go Steve, please don't go. I'm sorry ok! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry…I'm sorry" Steve wasn't sure she could get any other words out or if she was even apologising to him anymore.

"It's fine sweetheart, you're safe, I'm not leaving you I've already called the other guys, let them know I found you. That we we're both ok and there's nothing for them to worry about, but I think they want to come down anyway" Natasha's watery eyes looked over to him.

"Really?" she asked genuinely not believing people cared so much.

"Oh yeah. In fact when Thor found out you had left it took all three of us to restrain him, he wanted to chase you straight away, he was worried you would get hurt or something. Bruce stayed calm thank god, but he was agitated and it was clear if we hadn't of found you when we did we would've had to deal with the Hulk running around the world looking for you. Tony freaked out though, he panicked, it was strange seeing him care about someone who wasn't him or Pepper, who by the way was also beside herself" Steve smiled as Natasha grabbed his large arm and gestured for him to lie on the couch with her, there wasn't much room but it made Natasha feel safe.

"Steve what happens if I can't do it" Natasha asked breaking the softening silence,

"Can't do what Nat?"

"Can't live properly without Clint. What if I keep falling down?" her voice broke but she didn't cry anymore, Steve didn't think she could.

"You've got us Nat, I know we're not Clint but I can tell you this. We will catch you when you fall, and carry you when you can't keep going, we're your personal bodyguards. Did you know Tony checks the backgrounds of people you talk to, to make sure they wouldn't hurt you. Thor has some guard in Asgard called Hemidall watching you from up there, Bruce has told me that the Hulk seems to want to protect you as much as Betty, so if anyone came near you they'd have all of them to deal with. That's not even the scary part though, they'd have to get through Pepper and Jane and when it comes to you those two get vicious it's actually intimidating" Natasha smiled weakly at that but Steve wasn't finished,

"And I, well I think of you as my little sister and nobody hurts my family, it's as simple as that I will never let you fall down Nat none of us will, and if you ever did, well then you would land on a super soldier, a demi-god, a hulk, an iron man and an archer who hasn't really left you Natasha, remember that" she nodded as blackness pulled her under. She hadn't felt this warm and safe since Clint had been alive, she knew nothing would hurt her so she let herself sleep.

Natasha awoke in the late morning the next day, she realised she was surrounded by people and panicked until it hit her. She had her head resting on Thor's chest, her legs resting in Steve's lap, her toes tucked under his thighs, Bruce had rested his head on her stomach and Tony was gripping her left hand. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time and she knew that by the evening she would be back home, well physical home, because the real home was wherever these guys are, and Clint of course but he has a permenant residence in her heart anyway, as her thoughts drifted back to him…

All Natasha could think was,

I did this for you Clint, but I'm glad you told me to.

**Please review! Any ideas you have will be greatly appreciated, slightly happier chapter but I will give you a fair warning now it may get dark again soon, if you review I promise to update quicker **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N So long chapter here and I think I updated fairly soon **** I DO NOT OWN 'TILL THE END' BY THE PROGUES! **

**Please review it means a lot, oh and the girls will have a chapter soon, should Betty be in there or not? And in the overall story happy or sad ending, so far Happy's winning **** Sorry for mistakes I didn't have time to read it through, and review! Ha I rhymed! **

Natasha had been feeling better, but _she _wasn't better, not really. The only one who noticed was Tony and that was because he could read Natasha like an open book, only him, Clint and Coulson had that ability. They both knew it was because he hid his emotions like she did, and as they say, it takes one to know one.

It was hard for Natasha to explain what she was actually feeling, that was probably because she didn't understand it herself. She had this horrible feeling spread through her chest and throat, it made her feel sick or as if she was choking, and when something reminded her of Clint she would feel as if someone was pushing down on it. It made her want to sit somewhere, somewhere dark, where she was alone and just cry and cry and as cliché as it was, it made her want to hold her stomach and curl in on herself. Like she was holding herself together, or trying to.

In medical terms it is called a relapse; it meant something had come back, like a disease. Except this wasn't a disease it was just loneliness, bitter loneliness, and maybe that's why Natasha was stood in her bathroom, staring at her reflection and holding a razor in her trembling hand. She let out a shaky breath and examined her face, she still looked beautiful, but she shouldn't, that is what made her feel so dirty, manipulative and a downright bitch. She was tricking people into thinking she was ok, that she was together, that she wasn't in complete and utter pain every second of every day, of every fucking breath she breathed she felt herself being pulled, no, no, no dragged further away from Clint, and she was downright sick of it.

She raised her hand, and placed the sharp end of the razor on her wrist, she wondered absentmindedly what Clint would do if he saw her doing this, well, actually she already knew. Back when she was relatively new at Shield, she had been convinced that everyone there would try and hurt her like the Red Room had done, she had needed a vice…or a way out, whichever way you look at it Natasha used self-harm to do it.

_*Flashback* _

_Natasha was sitting in her shower that doubled as a bath, she was in her room at Shield and she felt trapped. The water still poured down, except now it was freezing and so was she, but she didn't move, she was too busy staring at her red arms, they were numb and she couldn't feel the pain, she vaguely wondered if she had cut too deep this time, whether this was it. She couldn't bring herself to regret it anyway. Natasha slid her body down and she let her calm, dead eyes shut as she rested her head against the bottom of the bathtub on the opposite side to the showerhead. She opened her eyes again and let them look around the room, they landed on her bottle of sleeping pills, she hadn't overdosed, she had just took enough to make her sleep, if the cutting pushed her over the edge, so be it. _

"_Oh god, Nat baby!" she heard Clint's deep panicked voice; she had shut her heavy eyes again and couldn't be bothered, or didn't want to open them again. It wasn't until the sound of the water stopped and she was being pulled up did she look at him, he was soaking and when he tried to carry her out the bath Natasha yelped and pushed away, she landed with a soft thud and groaned as her now throbbing wrists bled some more. _

"_Wanna stay here" Natasha mumbled into the freezing bath, she knew Clint had heard her, he grabbed a towel and ran it under the tap and then took off his jacket, but still fully dressed he climbed in the soaking bath with her. He wrapped his strong arms around her naked body; he pulled his large soft jacket around her shoulders and tried to cover her body, for warmth, not privacy because neither assassin cared. _

"_Ok sweetheart, just give me your wrists, I'll make them feel better" he gently held her forearms and placed the towel he had soaked in cold water over them, it stung and made Natasha flinch, he pulled her upper body back so she was resting between his legs and on his chest, he leant against the back of the bathtub and kissed her temple. "I'm sorry Nat" _

"_Clint…" Natasha moaned, she was completely vulnerable, delirious from sleeping pills, in pain and lonely, well she was lonely before. _

"_Shh I'm here, ok honey. You can feel me holding you and I'm not gonna let you go, don't worry I've got you" he soothed her shaking body. "Why'd you do it Nat?" he asked after a few minutes of silence, _

"_I got lonely, I thought Shield would hurt me and you weren't here, I was scared" Natasha explained trying to stay awake. _

"_I'm here now, Shield won't hurt you, no-one will because I won't let them, and I promise you I'll stay right here" he said, stroking her hair as she continued to breathe deeply. _

"_What would you do if I died now?" Natasha asked, her voice was soft and innocent. _

"_I wouldn't let you die, but if you did well, no Nat, just no because I wouldn't, couldn't let you go" he whispered in her ear as she nodded her head, tickling his nose with her red hair._

"_I'm sorry Clint" Natasha said, her voice so quiet Clint barely heard her, _

"_I know" he replied softly "I am too" _

_*End of Flashback* _

Just as Natasha was about to drag the razor across her pale skin her phone began to ring. She dropped the knife and ran over to it, fully aware it was capable of waking everyone up in the Tower, they after all slept at 2am in the morning unlike her. She pressed the receive button and was surprised to hear Tony's voice,

"Natasha if you pick up that razor again I will get Jarvis to open your door, or I'll just call Thor, ok?" his voice was angry, he sounded as if he was speaking through gritted teeth.

"You bastard you've been spying on me!" Natasha accused angrily, she flung open her door and stepped straight into Tony, they stood nose to nose for a moment before Natasha slapped him. She threw her phone back into her room, hearing it clatter against a table. Tony's eyes were blazing, his fists were clenched, Natasha had never seen him so angry.

"It's lucky I was, how could you even think about doing that to yourself" he wasn't shouting but he wasn't being too quiet either, "What would Clint say?" he asked staring her down. Natasha faltered and his expression softened, "Come on let's go talk somewhere else so we don't wake the others" he led Natasha into the living room and sat opposite her. "Explain" he demanded, Natasha didn't have the energy to argue.

"I…I used to do this when I was first bought to Shield and for years before that, it was a vice. Clint found me once and…well I never did it again ok, until now. But he promised to always be here! He promised he wouldn't let anything hurt me and that included myself!" Tony held her hand and came to sit next to her.

"I will never be as good as Clint was with all this, but I promise I will watch out for you, I won't let you do this to yourself Nat, you'll have to cut me first and hell Pepper too because you know she looks at you like a little sister" he said, and it was his voice that tackled Natasha. It was soothing just like Clint's,

"How'd you know?" Natasha asked resting herself against him, shutting her eyes and trying to pretend it was Clint.

"I…I got a letter" Tony whispered, Natasha's head shot up she turned to face him, he was already pulling a letter out of his pocket.

Dear Tony,

Look I need to tell one of you this and I think you'd understand the best, you need to watch out for Nat, promise me you will, she used to hurt herself and if I leave her then, she'll try again, you need to be there to stop her. I know you love her, so please, please do this. Thank you.

Oh, one last thing, you can be fucking annoying, but I'm gonna miss you, you narcissistic bastard.

-Clint

Natasha laughed softly as she handed the paper back to Tony.

"He's such a charmer" Tony muttered, maybe it was because she now had someone to help her, so it was out of relief but Natasha started laughing. Really laughing, like tears, stomach ache, and erratic breathing laughing. Tony smiled as he watched the young assassin lie on the couch trying to calm down.

"That wasn't even funny" Natasha smiled as she tried to talk normally.

"Oh really so you were laughing because you were sad?" Tony asked sarcastically as she lay down next to him again, somewhere within ten to twenty minutes Natasha was asleep.

Her wrists were completely clear.

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Natasha felt the heat nipping at her arms as she hid behind an empty crate, she was in a warehouse caught in a fire fight, her against roughly twenty men, her adrenaline was running and she felt more alive than she had in weeks. She clicked open her guns and reloaded the bullets, her mind set on one thing, getting out alive and killing them in the process. Still she couldn't completely forget that her Hawk wasn't somewhere in the ceiling above her or kneeling next her, his body forming a protective cage around her.

Natasha was about to jump up when she felt a gun being pressed into the side of her head, she swore angrily and turned to face the enemy. He was a large man, 6ft may be slightly more, muscled and by the look on his face, cruel. He grabbed Natasha's hair and yanked her to her feet; he looked her up and down a lewd smile on his face. She didn't even think about it, she just kicked him straight in the knee-cap, he hissed in pain and hit her in the face with the butt of his gun, a steady stream of blood dripped out of Natasha's nose, she didn't even notice.

"Well, well looks like we've caught a spider" the man leered as he pulled her closer, she didn't resist, she knew better than that. "But where's your hawk?" the man asked, a smile stretched onto his face, he felt Natasha's body involuntarily tense beneath his grip. "Oh that's right he's dead, and maybe it was one of the guns in this room that killed him, but you'll never know will you spider?" he closed the small gap between them and was about to press his lips to Natasha's when something hit him heavily from the side. Natasha jumped back in shock and smiled weakly when she saw Thor standing there in all his glory, towering above the other men (and herself). He out stretched his hand and his hammer flew back to him and off the others man now broken back. He pushed Natasha carefully behind him and set to work taking care of the other men, Natasha kept his back covered but she didn't need to do much.

"Thanks for that" Natasha commented after as they sat together on the roof of the warehouse waiting for the quinjet,

"It was my please Lady Natasha, besides I was only doing as The Hawk told me to do" Thor boomed, his voice filling the night sky.

"Did he write you a letter?" Natasha asked as realisation spread on her face. Thor turned to face her and smiled at her hopeful, and bloody, face.

"Yes, here it is" he said offering it to her, she opened it slowly. She was still facing Thor and he began to wipe away the blood from her face, like a caring brother.

Dear Thor,

I need to ask you a favour, I know you're not always on Earth but when you are can you please watch over Nat for me. We both know what she's like and if she starts going on missions by herself I guarantee she will end up in some deep shit somewhere, so please keep an eye on things.

You've been a great friend to me Thor, and I hope you'll never forget me after all I am the bravest warrior you've ever met but for me, the same could be said for you.

-Clint

"Do you miss him?" Natasha asked after she was done, her head resting on Thors bicep,

"Yes, every day. You don't appreciate things or people like that until they're gone" Thor said, his voice had grown a more solemn tone.

"You really don't" Natasha agreed, before they could say anymore a quinjet appeared and they left the warehouse, alive and safe.

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Dear Steve,

You're a good man Steve, and I know you already look out for Natasha and for that I'm thankful. But there is one thing you should probably know, Natasha forgets to eat unless someone reminds her, usually she remembers but she does forget. As in until I realised she hadn't actually eaten in three days, it's something that has been drilled into her since her past so just remind her now and again. I know you will.

I can honestly say your 100% deserving of your reputation and admittedly before I met you I thought you were going to be a bitch. But you're the very opposite and it has been my genuine pleasure knowing you. Thanks Captain.

-Clint

Steve stared at the letter in his hands, disbelief etched across his face. He had respected Clint as a soldier, human being and a friend, he really did miss him. And to get this letter well it made his heart swell slightly. Steve was sitting alone in the kitchen, he smiled as he noticed Natasha walk in, now that he looked at her properly he realised with shock, that she did look thin.

"Hi Nat" he greeted as she smiled at him.

"Hey Steve, how are you?" she asked politely her eyes zeroed in on the letter in his hand.

"I'm fine thanks, Nat have you eaten?" his voice was soft and he was slightly scared that she might shout or try and kill him with something but she merely shrugged.

"I haven't no I guess I forgot, did Clint ask you to ask me?" Natasha wondered as she went into the cupboards to get some things out.

"Oh yeah he did" Steve admitted ashamed he hadn't noticed Natasha's figure, "When was the last time you ate?" he asked carefully, very aware of the fact that he might be stabbed with a spoon.

"Well it must have been Tuesday, yeah Tuesday" Natasha said not looking at Steve's wide eyed look.

"Nat that was five days ago!" he practically shouted,

"Steve calm down, I forget sometimes ok that's all, I can last a long time just chill" he looked at her and nodded sadly. "And it's not your fault" she added quickly, she ruffled his neat hair as she passed making him smile again.

"Ok, but I am going to sit here and watch you eat that sandwich" Steve declared happily while Natasha grinned at him,

"Sure if it makes you feel better"

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Bruce sat at one of the tables in his lab, he wasn't actually working, he was actually listening and waiting for a specific assassin to walk past. He hadn't been particularly surprised to find a letter off Clint but he was relieved anyway, he heard heavy footsteps storm past, he quickly jumped up and ran to his door. As he saw the red-headed spy pace up and down the corridor, her mouth set in a hard line, and shoulders tensed he realised his job seems slightly suicidal.

"Natasha" he called out timidly, her head shot up and she stared at him for a minute before slowly walking over,

"What?" she asked flatly, her voice gave away no emotions but it was clear just by her posture that she was stressed.

"I was wondering if you had a couple of spare minutes, I just err-"he stuttered as he looked at Natasha's unimpressed face "I'm feeling a bit lonely and tense it's making the other guy edgy can you come and keep me company for a bit?" he asked shyly, fully aware that his reason was utter bullshit but Natasha didn't seem to notice, her posture softened ever so slightly as she agreed and stepped into the lab.

"So isn't it dangerous for me to be in here, I mean you and Tony create so many explosions a week" Natasha commented dryly as she sat down on the overstuffed, super comfy couch placed in the corner of the lab.

"Oh no that's just Tony's lab we never do experiments in here, this is just for my quiet research" Bruce explained as he got out one of his project books and began scribbling down equations, when he glanced back at Natasha he smiled at the image. She was lying down her hand dangling limply off the edge of the couch, her eyes closed and mouth open just a little bit. Her red hair was splayed softly around her, and she looked beautiful, innocent and very peaceful. Taking this time Bruce picked up his letter again,

Dear Bruce,

I hope you're able to do this for me, it will be a tough job and you'll have to trick Natasha into it. She doesn't relax easily and somewhere like your lab would be the perfect place for her to chill, I know you've often wanted some more company down there, and Natasha's relaxing, she just needs help getting there.

Bruce I know you doubt yourself, and how safe you are but I don't, and if I trust you with Natasha, well then Bruce you know that you're safe.

-Clint

"Thank you Bruce" Natasha muttered from the couch, ok so maybe he hadn't tricked her.

**LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK **

It wasn't until Natasha dragged herself back into her room did she see the next letter, it must have fallen out earlier when she had taken the razor out, it was on the bathroom floor. She leaped over and plucked it off the floor, impatiently tearing of the top she began to read:

Dear Natasha,

Please look after yourself sweetheart, I can't bear the thought of you hurting yourself, and I know if you do it will be all my fault. I love you more than anything in the world and I know that you know that, but I just had to write it down in case you forgot.

Remember there's only 4 more letters after this, start accepting the fact…no never mind we can deal with that later. I love you baby, enclosed is a voice recorder, get into bed and press play, it'll make you relax.

Love you always, Clint.

P.S You're not alone.

Natasha picked out the recorder and pulled the covers around her; fully aware that although Clint claimed this would relax her there was no way she was going to fall asleep. She shut her eyes though and pressed play. Clint's deep soothing voice played from the little device, but it wasn't how he was singing it was what he was singing.

"I just want to see you

When you're all alone

I just want to catch you if I can

I just want to be there

When the morning light explodes

On your face it radiates

I can't escape

I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing

You don't want to hear

All I want is for you to say

Why don't you just take me

Where I've never been before

I know you want to hear me

Catch my breath

I love you 'till the end

I just want to be there

When we're caught in the rain

I just want to see you laugh not cry

I just want to feel you

When the night puts on it's cloak

I'm lost for words don't tell me

All I can say

I love you 'till the end"

As she listened all Natasha could think was,

Thank you Clint.

Then she finally fell asleep.

**And that is it, once again I DO NOT OWN THE SONG 'TILL THE END' BY THE PROGUES! **

**Please review though **


	7. Chapter 7

**It's been a long time, I'm so damn sorry. I'm still not better at all, but I needed to write this so I'm sorry if it's not what you're expecting or want. I didn't have time to check so please ignore mistakes. **

**Also I'm taking my Authors Note from the last chapter down because you've all had a chance to read it now. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, seriously though, you have made me feel like a million times better. You really have, I owe you all. **

**(This chapter shouldn't make you cry!) ;) **

Natasha couldn't remember why it had happened. Why her world suddenly crumbled after she had finally begun to get better.

Natasha couldn't understand why it had happened today, until she did remember.

Then Natasha couldn't forget.

It was her birthday, well not her actual birth date although there was a very slim chance it could be, it was just the day Clint had chosen to be Natasha's birthday. The 7th of April. Seeing as her childhood hadn't included birthdays Clint decided it was his job to make up for the lack of them. This meant he would go all out on this particular date because according to him 'birthdays are the day you can become a child again, and if you didn't have them as a child well then, you have to make up for it now.' At first Natasha had called him immature and refused all of the gifts he tried to give her, in fact she got angry at him and ended up giving him a black eye, in her defence he shouldn't have woken her up by yelling surprise.

But eventually, as usual, Clint managed to break down her well-built defences and gave her all the birthday treats she had missed out on. The first year she had been at Shield he brought her twenty cupcakes, for twenty years of missed birthday cake, he was of course guessing her age. They randomly appeared in front of Natasha at certain points in the day until she was practically screaming at him much to his amusement. However, at the end of the day Clint took back all the discarded cakes and dragged them all into Natasha's room, he bought a sparkling candle for each of them and dotted them all around. The two assassins stayed up all night eating cake after cake, Clint told Natasha to make twenty wishes but she only made one…

_Please never let him leave me. _

On Natasha's second birthday at Shield, Clint had been trying to put up some romantic candles in Natasha's room like he had before; unfortunately he ended up setting the bedroom on fire. Clint blamed it on dodgy candles, Natasha blamed it on him and Fury blamed it on 'motherfucking assassins.'

Still though Clint carried on coming up with extravagant surprises for Natasha every year that is until he died. Suddenly there was no-one to plan these surprises anymore and although at the time they had happened Natasha would constantly complain and moan, she realised just how much she actually loved them, therefore missed them now.

So instead of curled up somewhere warm with the man that literally saved her life, Natasha was lying in a pool of her own blood on April 7th. The crimson liquid soaked around her but she couldn't bring herself to care, she was numb, she was cold, and she was alone.

Fury had sent Natasha on a solo mission in England, she had killed her target and his henchman, but not without escaping injury. She had a bullet in her thigh and a piece of metal sticking out her side, and a bruised face. She didn't even attempt to stop the steady flow of blood, she just let it slip out and puddle around her while she thought. She thought back to before, back to her birthdays with Clint, back to when she felt alive.

_*FLASHBACK* _

"_I'm so sorry Natasha." Clint muttered as he lay in his hospital bed staring at the ceiling. He turned his head to the left to look at Natasha; she was lying in a twin hospital bed and had her eyes shut. _

"_For what?" she asked tiredly, "This wasn't your fault." He nodded and fiddled with his fingers for a minute; she opened her eyes slowly and let out a long heavy breath, "What's wrong Clint?" _

"_It's your birthday…" he said softly, his voice was so low and soft Natasha actually felt bad. _

"_So? Believe me this is not the worst birthday I've had." She re-assured him but Clint wasn't buying any of it. _

"_I know but it's not your best and it should be." He said clearly, Natasha just shook her head in response and repeated to close her eyes; Clint didn't do anything for a while, until he stretched out his muscled arm and poked Natasha in the side…repeatedly. That is until she grabbed a cup of water from her bedside table and threw it over him; he pouted and started poking Natasha again until she turned to face him. _

"_Yes Clint?" he grinned mischievously and pulled himself into a sitting position. _

"_Natasha, I think I may be able to save the night." She raised an eyebrow but turned back around on her bed and shut her eyes; Clint smiled wider and tried to stand on his shaking legs. Carefully he wobbled over to her, the whole while keeping his grip on the metal rail that kept him standing up. _

_Barely. _

_Just as he reached Natasha's bed he let go of the metal support to reach into his pocket, but as he did so his knees buckled, one minute he was staring at his tired partner and the next he was staring at the bright hospital ceiling. He heard a soft laugh from above him, and before he knew it a smaller figure was lying on the floor next to him. He wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her so her body wasn't on the hard floor and she was resting on his larger frame. _

"_Isn't there something you wanted to ask Clint?" Natasha questioned, her tone teasing but kind at the same time, Clint tensed and tried to look her in the eye but once realising he couldn't bend that way gave up and stared back at the ceiling. _

"_How did you know?" He wondered out loud. This time it was Natasha's turn to grin, _

"_After the second, no, no, third explosion, the box fell out your pocket so I picked it up and dragged you out, I put it back in just before you woke up." Clint nodded and placed a kiss to her left temple. _

"_Of course you did. Well then this isn't going to be the surprise I wanted it to be but seeing as I don't think either of us can actually get up right now I might as well do it now." He let out a shaky breath as Natasha whispered, _

"_I'm listening." _

"_Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?" Clint felt his stomach curl into painful knots as he waited anxiously for the reply. _

"_No." He felt his whole world collapse and he took in a heavy breath. That answer had been his worst nightmare and it had happened, it had gone wrong, she had said no. And then she said… "I'm kidding." _

"_What?" He practically shouted in disbelief, _

"_I've gotta keep you on your toes Clint, of course I'll marry you, I love you." And that had been the best birthday of Natasha's life and the best day of Clint's. _

_He had never been able to top that birthday but come hell or high water, he always tried. _

_*END OF FLASHBACK* _

The flashback was in its own way just as painful as the injuries, being so close but so far from her beloved husband, friend and partner. It hurt her more than her bloody wounds, although they were painful, so painful in fact that Natasha had started screaming, she hadn't meant to and she didn't really realise she was until her throat started to sting. Normally the black widow was strong and stoic, she wouldn't show any emotion, no torture inflicted upon her could make her cry or yell out, but this…this was different, this was memories. It was more painful for Natasha to remember than it was for her to get shot and stabbed and all around beaten up, surely that said something about her relationship with Clint?

"Stark, get over here she's losing too much blood!" Steve's voice was strong, his hands cupped her face and he tapped her cheek lightly. "Natasha! Natasha, focus on me, focus on my voice! Look at me god damn it!" Natasha couldn't form a reply, blood trickled out of her mouth and she tried her best not to choke, aware of just how pathetic she would look. Soon she felt heavy hands pressing onto her side; they were Thors' she could tell by the sheer size of them. She let out a yelp as Steve pressed his hands down to, they both apologised as she arched her back in pain, guilt filled their faces.

"Don't let her move, hold her down, this will hurt her." Bruce's controlled voice echoed around Natasha's broken form, but before she could scream again the pressure on her bullet wound was gone and Tony's metal mask was hovering above her, the bright colours helped her focus and he slid up the mask.

"Keep your eyes on me Little Red." He murmured, she wanted to know why he was distracting her but then she felt Thor's large hands pin her legs down and Steve's firm hold appear on her arms, they both kept muttering sorry and Natasha couldn't understand why but then she did. Immediately she screeched and tried to pull away but the god and soldiers superior strength easily held her down, Tony tried to keep her focused on him but the pain was too unbearable. She arched her back again before she heard,

"Tony hold her." Muttered by Bruce's tense voice, then two metal hands were holding her hips to prevent any movement, she was crying and yelling and none of the men could meet her eyes. Bruce had to pull the metal shrapnel out of her side but it was lodged in and dangerously close to an artery, as he wiggled it free he tried to block out Natasha's pain filled cries and strings of Russian curses. All fight drained out of her as Bruce let go of the almost out piece of metal, she just lay there as Steve stroked her cheek and rested her head in his lap. "She needs the hospital, as soon as I get this out it's going to gush blood."

"'M I gonna die…?" Natasha slurred, her eyes closed as she thought of her hawk, the thought of dying pleased her, she knew that was wrong. She could tell the men, her friends, her brothers, were looking at each other unsure.

"No." They all said together, Steve's voice caring, Tony's stubborn, Bruce's sure and Thor's comforting but all of them loving. She just needed Clint and it would be perfect, despite the pain and almost dying and possible looming death,

"Guess what." She said as Bruce began to dislodge the metal, the others clearly eager to keep her talking so they didn't have to listen to her tortured screams as they continued to hold her down, each rubbing soothing patterns as they did so.

"What?" Tony asked as he scanned the area for any enemies.

"'It's m' birthday today." Natasha mumbled, breathing in sharply at the end of her sentence, Thor stroked her soothingly,

"I thought you didn't know when it was?" Steve asked as he pulled his shield closer to him, just in case he needed to fight.

"I don't Clint jus chose tis day 'cuz we always said it was. Hmm guys…?"

"Yes Natasha?" Thor asked kindly, wincing as the metal was pulled from her, like Bruce had predicted blood began to pour out…quickly.

"Where's Clint? I need him." The men shared pitiful glances; the pain mixed with the drugs that Tony had pumped into her system had sent Natasha delirious. No-one answered, Natasha trembled slightly from the cold and Tony began to scoop her up,

"I'll meet you at the nearest hospital." He said, despite the metallic effects on his voice from the suit, he was clearly upset, they all were. They had sworn to Clint that they would protect Natasha no matter what, partly because he had asked them too but also because she was their girl. And she was hurt; in fact she had been hurting since Clint died. And they couldn't stop it. They failed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

Natasha heard the consistent beeping, was it a bomb? Her natural reflexes kicked in and she sat up, quickly realising what the sound was, she was in a hospital, it was her heart beat. She felt a tugging and looked down to see an IV stuck in her wrist, it was pumping white clear liquid into her, she impatiently pulled it out, remembering everything and further distressed that Clint wasn't by her side as he used to be. As she moved towards the door, she noticed a familiar looking letter on her bed and –ignoring the stinging pain in her leg and side- leant over to pick it up. She tore open the envelope and began to read,

_Dear Natasha, _

_Dammit Nat! You're in hospital! What the hell have you done? Actually, don't answer that, I don't want to know. I wish that I could be there with you, to hold you but I can't so this will have to do. By the way I gave this to the doctor with clear instructions to give it to you when you landed your pretty ass in the medical ward. So well done. (That was sarcasm in case you couldn't tell). Awh baby, I can't stay mad at you, but because you're in hospital that means the guys didn't protect you well enough, but please tell them not to feel guilty, it took me years to get it right and up until the day I died I was still learning. _

_I wonder have you had your birthday yet? You might not have in which case read this again when it is your birthday but if it is (or nearby) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You're getting old Tasha. I wish I could give you a present or at least something to make that day awesome but I can't. So instead I say this; don't make this day something sad by moping around and thinking about me, cherish my memory by making it a great day, doing something you know I would have wanted you to do! I know you can make this day special, regardless of me not being there. I know you can because all those birthdays I spent trying to make you happy, I was teaching you Nat, teaching you that you can have a good day if you want it. You can make the day special because I taught you how. _

_Love you always, Clint. _

_P.S You're Not Alone. _

Natasha smiled against the card; she wondered what she could do to make her day good, that's when she noticed she was alone. She was surprised that the guys weren't in here waiting for her, she told herself that she didn't care, she didn't mind. So she ignored the pang in her chest. Before she could move a nurse bustled in,

"Good evening Agent Romanoff, your friends are outside and waiting. We managed to clean out both your wounds and bandaged them up so they shouldn't be a problem if you're careful. You are very lucky to be alive, oh and so is the baby." Natasha very nearly had a heart attack.

"The baby!?" She asked, very aware that her voice sounded way too high even to herself. The nurse backed away a little, looking shocked.

"Yes, you're pregnant, six weeks along. You're lucky it's alive you need to be more careful-"Natasha didn't even wait, she stumbled to her shaky feet adrenaline surging through her, she grabbed a jacket resting on the chair nearby, it was Steve's. She pushed past the confused nurse and into the sterile hallway, she saw the other Avengers sitting in the waiting room to the left but she went right.

Somehow she ended up outside and the cold air hit her hard despite the large jacket, the night was not windy it was just cold and rainy. She walked down the street, completely lost, having no idea where she was but simultaneously not caring. She used the jacket to cover the hospital night gown but forgot about her bare feet, a few people gave her strange looks but most continued on their way, she turned a corner and then was alone. This road was much more isolated; the street lights flickered, on and off, light and dark.

"Hey beautiful." In her preoccupied state Natasha had failed to notice the three drunken idiots stumble up to her, she tried to walk around them still staring off into space, but one grabbed her arm. Something inside her snapped and she swung her arm around to slam his fucking nose into his fucking pea sized brain but before she could a heavy arm pulled her back, she recognised the arm.

Wordlessly she turned and rested her head into his large chest, Steve held her against him and the three drunken men wandered away upon noticing the other approaching three, Thor, Bruce and Tony. Steve was shocked when he felt his shirt dampen, and looked down to see Natasha crying, he lifted her chin up with a soft hand and began to lead her to the other guys.

"Stop!" She demanded, the rain fell harder but no-one noticed, "I am sick of this, I cannot do this. Losing Clint was one thing but now _this?_ It's just fucking unfair, and I can't handle it, I can't do it. I miss him so much it genuinely hurts to breathe but I carry on because I can't give up for him, but I swear god or the universe of whatever the hell is out there wants me to fail because this is just wrong! And I fucking give up!" She had stopped moving instead allowing the rain to hit her hard; she ignored her throbbing side and thigh, and the sharp stinging in her bare feet. The guys all stared at her,

"Nat I know it's been a hard day-"Steve began but Natasha cut him off,

"No! No, it hasn't just been a hard day it's been fucking hard every single second since he died! But now? Now, it just got a hundred times harder!" She shouted, not caring about the scene she was causing, the closest building was a pub and no-one was sober in there anyway. "So I give the fuck up!" Before she could even move Tony was talking,

"Why is it so hard today? Despite being shot and stabbed?" He realised how bad a question that was as soon as he said it, but he was not prepared for the answer…none of them were.

"I'm pregnant." Jaws dropped, Bruce sucked in a breath and Tony and Steve both ran hands down their faces, Thor just stood there…shocked. "I'm pregnant and the father is dead! I can't even fucking look after myself let alone a kid! And what if I lose it, which come on let's face it I probably will!" She was screaming now, the rain still hammering down. They all stood there, the only sound of the pelting drops of water surrounding them, Thor moved first towards Natasha who just seemed too tired to move, he pulled her onto her back and began to walk back to the hospital. The other men followed.

Natasha thought back to Clint's letter, she hadn't done what he had said; she had failed in yet again something else. She realised that without Clint she couldn't do this, but then a second meaning hit her. _P.S You're not alone. _Natasha had always assumed Clint meant he was with her but now, she considered that maybe he meant the other guys. After all they were carrying her back to the warm indoors, they had saved her –and the baby's- lives today, and here they were making sure she was safe and protected.

"Nat, we've got your back hun." She wasn't even sure who said it, but it didn't matter because Clint was right, she wasn't alone.

**I'm not sure about this…please guys feedback, even if it's just a sad/smiley face? **

**Please? **


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